


This Too, Shall Pass

by usagiseme



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-02-28 18:16:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2742290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usagiseme/pseuds/usagiseme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinji deals with the loss of Kaworu in many different ways.(several one-shots)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unfortunate Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Some stuff I wrote last year and I'm just revising it, I remember really liking it(but most likely this won't resemble the original text much)  
> Most of these one-shots are post kaworu's death(also they aren't linear)

It was summer. Well, it was always summer after the second impact. But, Shinji had just got out of school for summer vacation and was ready to do nothing for a couple weeks. Shinji had just gotten to the only place that still felt like home; Kaworu’s old room at Nerv Headquarters. Sitting on the bed, Shinji looked around the concrete enclosure. There was a dresser, a chair and a gnawing feeling of regret. Slumping to the side, pulling his legs up onto the bed and kicking his shoes off, Shinji laid onto the cold and hard bed. The thin blanket and sheet lay underneath his rising and depleting form. A searing hum of cicadas and heat somehow made it inside the underground room. A chill, perhaps the ground water pressing against the concrete. Something was making the cold apparent. Maybe it was a thought of loneliness expanded by the fact that Shinji was literally alone. He wiggled the blanket out from underneath himself and pulled it up to his neck. Somehow it was warm, somehow it smelled like Kaworu, somehow Shinji knew how that smelled. The warmth spread over Shinji and sleep crept into his eyes and spread through his head.

When Shinji woke up there was an alarm going off, an angel headed towards Tokyo III. He rushed to the prep room and got his plug suit on. Ready to pilot. The air was hot, he could tell even from within the EVA.

With the angel destroyed, Shinji went back to Misato’s house and went straight to his room. Straight to his bed without turning the lights on. Something else was in the bed, shinji rolled over and was face-to-face with someone. He bolted out of bed and to the lights. The lights came on to reveal Kaworu sitting up in Shinji’s bed.  
“Shinji—“ Kaworu started, “ I woke up and made my way to your house, ah, pardon, Misato’s house.”  
Shinji froze in place, Kaworu got off the bed and made his way to Shinji.  
“Kaworu…” Kaworu got close to Shinji and then stopped,  
“I’m sorry I scared you,” Kaworu looked into Shinji’s eyes and cocked his head.  
“It’s okay, ” Shinji blushed and looked downwards.  
“Do you want to lay down?” Shinji nodded and they made their way to the bed.

Kaworu laid down first and stretched out his arm for Shinji to lay on, which he did. Shinji curled up to Kaworu and he wrapped his arms around Shinji. He slipped into sleep after a small amount of time.

When Shinji woke up he was alone, the sheets didn't even looked disturbed, the lights were off and a dull hum ran through the air. A fading heat from the day replaced by a humidity that made Shinji’s lips crack and bones ache. He lay there for a long time. It had been three weeks, and he was still dreaming about Kaworu. It became more frequent after each angel attack. Shinji rolled over so that he was facing the door, which lay open a crack. A light from the hallway made the dancing dust motes visible. Misato was working hard on something again; Shinji knew she tried to look easy-going when he was around. He didn’t move, Kaworu was still dead. The guilt of that and the pressure of staying in his room so Misato could work made his thoughts blister with self-loathing. He breathed slowly, waiting until Misato knocked on his door.

“Dinner’s ready~~” Shinji sat up and went to the living room. Asuka was there, she was always there. They ate and then they went to their separate rooms. Shinji wanted Kaworu there with him, his eyes got hot and his forehead heated. Tears crawled down Shinji’s face and stung his dry skin, a sob got lodged in his throat and he coughed it out. Tears dripped onto his pillows along with spit and snot. Sobs came and made his body ache. Pressure built up in his forehead, sinuses bloated and irritated. Shinji muffled his screams into a pillow. After a while his body shook and the tears didn’t come. A silent screaming dried out his throat and Shinji, exhausted now, slept again.


	2. Debate Exposes Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asuka has to bring Shinji something while he's in the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (non-linear to the first chapter)

Asuka hated hospitals. And she hated Shinji too, so when Rei asked her to go give Shinji the new attack plans, she was averse to go. Shinji was still hospitalized. Asuka hated going to Shinji’s room. The walk down the hospital’s wide and low ceilinged hallways was unbearable. The Nerv headquarters hospital was void of any clutter in the halls. Making the trek through the identical floors felt even more surreal. Asuka hadn't been to a hospital since she last saw her mom. Her cold dead eyes and even colder hands made Asuka cry when she was younger. Now the thought disgusted her. Suicide was disgusting.

She approached Shinji’s room and immediately got annoyed. She knew why Shinji was in the hospital again. She knew it was because of his dying spirit. Because of his worn out wrists and overbearing guilt. Asuka saw the door, knew it was Shinji’s because it was the only door on this floor with a clipboard on it.

She could hear the heart monitor. She faced the door and then turned around. She stood there; her tears ached at her eyes, and dripped onto her collar. She quickly stopped. Asuka opened the door after she was calm, Shinji was awake, he didn't look at her though. He had dead eyes. Anger boiled in Asuka’s heart and heated her face. Asuka approached the edge of the bed. Shinji looked at her, turning his head towards her as she got closer. Asuka looked down at him, like her mother did to her. The air was heavy and the heart monitor beeped indifferently. Asuka scoffed and set the file down on Shinji’s chest. She turned and walked to the door,

“You know you need to pilot this afternoon, you have a responsibility,” Shinji turned his head to the ceiling,

“I know—” Asuka didn't even stay to hear the second word, she couldn't stand being in the same room as him.


	3. The Hardest Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei visits Shinji, but she only talks to Misato

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I wrote during school, but didn't edit so it's kind of ehhhh

Rei was sitting in Misato’s living room while Shinji and Misato talked about something in his room. She noticed ever since Kaworu died Shinji hadn’t been himself. Or, maybe, he was acting more like himself. The façade was gone, was that it? Shinji just couldn’t pretend to be happy anymore. Rei felt ache in her stomach and heart. But, he had genuinely seemed happy, was that all a farce? Playing make believe with his make believe family. Rei became frustrated. Angry? She began to feel a different kind of aching, one in her head. She felt abandoned. Shinji was starting to care about things. He was starting to laugh and cry and get angry. But now he had put up a huge fence. She remembered a similar fence when they had first met.  
Her peaceful thought process, interrupted by Misato coming out of Shinji’s room. Slamming the sliding door shut as she did.  
“God, he never wants to talk about anything, he’s like a rock,” she sighed and collapsed into a chair. Rei observed Misato.  
“…what did he say?” Rei was nervous, she knew the answer,  
“He said that he wanted to be alone, that’s all he said,” Misato sat up to meet Rei’s eyes,  
“Oh,” Rei averted her gaze, moving her attention to a crumpled beer can.  
“Do you think he’ll pilot again,” Misato, surprised by Rei’s inquiry, stumbled,  
“Well, if his sync rate is still workable then…”  
Rei had started to cry. Misato got up and got some sodas, she pt one in front of Rei,  
“Hey Rei, it’ll be ok, Shinji will be back to ow he used to be in no time,” Rei nodded with doubt.  
“I think I should I should go home, it’s getting late,”  
“Oh, of course, do you need a ride?” Misato was standing behind her chair,  
“No, I think I’ll walk, thank you for offering.”  
Rei got up, soda untouched, “See you later,”  
She left and Misato drank both sodas.  
Rei walked through the streets of Tokyo III, she wondered about Kaworu. Why did Kaworu affect Shinji, but she couldn’t affect Shinji. Kaworu had said it himself that they were the same. But Rei wasn’t like that ass. She knew it; she also knew that Kaworu would try to save Shinji every single time. The thought lingered in Rei’s mind, until another thought appeared: “Why did I think that?”


End file.
